Monthly Archives: October 2012

Wishful Thinking

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Author’s Note: I wished I did.

She never yelled or screamed before.

 

Her voice ripped raw from her throat, a roar that pulsated through every fibre of her soul. And when it was over, she felt relieved but she knew there was an impending doom.

Especially when her mother turned into a red charging bull.

“So you’re stressed eh? What about me? I’m stuck at home with selfish people like you! Who’s more stressed eh?”

All the saliva. All the rage. All the frenzy.

And all she did was stare back, hard and blank. She felt something stacking up, building slowly, as it had done before.

And all she had to do. Was. To. Yell.

She wanted so badly, heart-achingly, to spit out all the years of tolerance and slap into her the words she had finally learnt.

But she can’t. Her hands trembled into fists, teeth clenched with controlled fury.

She breathed as she felt cold spike down her spine. The cold tremor sparked down every nerve, every fingertip, every vein. And then finally, she was numb.

She could hear, but it was a distant echo, far, far, far away.

When it finally ended, she did not cry. No tears. Just a painful ache in her heart.

She was left. Alone.

 

How wrong could they be?

Everyone said that those who committed suicide were cowards.

Cowards? Truly?

Who has the inner strength to pick up the courage to finally leave the world? Who has the courage to die?

She reaches out to the window.

Aren’t they supposed to have a resolve- a strong steel one- to do what they wanted to do?

The traffic noises. Wind blows.

Who, indeed, is the real coward?

Her bare feet is cold on the metal panes. Her toes tingle with cold as she stands. 

Who?

She looks down, and rain falls, salty.

She leaps. 

Three-Leaf Clover

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Author’s Note: This particular one-shot is a combination of two songs- Friendship Birthday and Kurobaa (Clover). As you probably know, Friendship Birthday is sung by Sea*A. You might be wondering why I’m doing it again- well, it’s because at that point of time when the Imera-Selina fic was published, it was a preview. So this is the other half of the song. Plus, Clover is by The Sketchbook, a band created from the anime Sket Dance. You should watch it, it’s really funny, sad and touching at the same time.

Can I dedicate this to Princess Shell Yue and her inseparable twin Xin Yi? This is to thank them for being my study buddies! (:

This is in Selina’s POV haha~

Three-Leaf Clover

Ever since my parents died in the flames and got dumped in an orphanage, I knew I had to run away.

I had nothing much to take with me- almost everything I used to have were forcibly taken away. All I needed to bring along with me was food and water, nothing else. This journey I wanted to take, this journey I wanted to make, was to find something…

Something in this world that might give me something to live for….

Something that could change me.

When I was a child, I had searched for it. That mysterious tugging in my heart that was drawing me to somewhere…towards a thing.

But however frantic I was, I couldn’t find it. 

I was a child, back then. I had certain restrictions, certain impossibilities. Maybe on this journey, I might be able to find that one thing I had been missing all this while… Yet, I might not. 

Should I just move on?
Should I just wait and stay?
And find a family that could restore love and warmth within me?

Should I give up?

I hit the dirt road in the lazy hours of dawn. I had snuck out of the building and made my way down the path that widened into a huge road. It was dangerous for a girl of twelve to be roaming such areas alone, but I didn’t know at that time.

I was a clumsy person. Only a few miles down the road and I had already tripped on a rock, scraped my knees and dropped my supplies. Not to mention about the burning heat in the area.

It was only then that a realisation dawned upon me- the one thing I needed to find.

Luck.

It seemed ridiculous, almost pointless. Luck wasn’t something that could be obtained: it was fickle and it’s almost rare, like a miracle. Wait, luck is not a miracle. It is miracle personified.

Maybe the sign of luckiness will bring me happiness.

And to find luck…

…well…

I had to find a clover.

I remembered that spreading eternal color in my little eyes. The grass was plentiful with clovers, and every clover looked like each other.

I remember my mother saying how four-leaf clovers could be luck, because they were so rare. 

But sometimes I softly piled up the three-leaf clovers. I would pluck them gently, and stack them up. I was pretty sane then. 

Yet I cannot remember.

Because there was a reason why I couldn’t let them go.

Every single day is an ordinary day in life. It’s so ordinary, so boring…so unexciting.

I was an adventurous kid who longed for thrills in life. But yet, I understood, that beneath all of the simplicity, there was a hidden beauty in every emotion felt during that one ordinary day.

Every day told a different story, filled with different feelings and life lessons. That’s the beauty: it could only be experienced once in a lifetime- no today is the same as yesterday.

I remember reaching Port after a while. Port, the bustling town full of rich and arrogant people. The moment I saw how selfishly they behaved, I disliked them immediately. Although my family was rich, we believed in charity. My father had made donating a habit, something done almost every day.

The people in Port had cast aside the poor, like as if they ceased to exist. I felt my eyes open to the harsh reality of this cruel world. When you are poor, you are nobody. And everyone will treat you like dirt, even if you were rich before. I knew exactly how the poor were feeling: it happened to me too.

It was then I decided to remain in Port to help out the poor souls. But the selfishness in Port had rubbed off on the poor. It was every woman, man and child for themselves. I closed my eyes, as I prepared to leave the place.

And then, I found her.

Imera.

It came rushing back to me. I remember the park near my family’s mansion, where every kid went to have fun. They had been looking for four-leaf clovers as well.

But as I stood and watched, I realised that they had been ignoring the three-leaf clovers. The forgotten clovers, the ones that everybody didn’t care about and treated like as if they were ghosts, were stomped on. I remember tears springing to my eyes when I saw the horror of it all.

The clovers all harshly trampled upon in the children’s search for a rare four-leaf clover. I imagined their pain, their torture, their cries of agony under the brute and childish strength. 

Was it really that important that others had to die just for the sake of one single thing?

When the sun finally went down, the children left the park and I shook as I went over to the clovers. To my surprise, they were still intact. I couldn’t believe my eyes. 

They were crumpled, but they were still standing upright. A breeze swept through the field and I heard whispers, as if they were telling me…

…They were telling me that even if I am feeling down, I shouldn’t worry about it…and smile, instead.

I took you away from the hideous Port. You were young, you could still be saved from the world of selfishness. I remember we cloaked ourselves in the shadows of the night and we ran forwards. We embarked on the journey together, to find the new beginning of a new day.

It was only then that I realised I never had friends. I had always been alone with no siblings to play with. But when you came along…I could see it when I closed my eyes.

Every smile you smiled at me was so clear, so vivid. You were the light that burned in my heart, guiding me through the lonely night.  And I will hold you tight, I would never let you go. So don’t be afraid and fear no more, because I am with you now.

It was a year later when we arrived at the cliffs by the ocean. And I remember how we ran endlessly. I believed thatour future lied ahead, further than I had anticipated. We had settled down in several towns, but we were chased out after a few months after they found out we were the rats that had escaped from Port.

I remembered telling you that the journey seemed endless. We were losing hope, but regardless, we must continue to soar. We could dream a dream and wish fervently together, picturing that future we wanted– because it was easier if we did it together.

We cry, smile, get mad, blush.  

But these busy three leaves are always in the same place. Even if we’re pointed towards different places, our roots are the same.

Because we are connected.

I suspected it for a while, ever since I brought you along.

That you were the thing I had looked around the world for. I had found the only- my one and only- precious treasure. Now that I had gotten you, I’ve learned to believe in us. I finally believed in the power of our friendship and the strength of staying together forever.

I remember feeling a quiet touch, a miracle that I had been trying to find from my heart. And I knew it was you, Imera.

You were that three-leaf clover I was trying to find, the only one of its kind; unique.

Because it’s the one only I was looking for, your three leaves swaying in the wind. 

It’s swaying in the wind and smiling.

I wish that your leaves will last forever, and even if the seasons change, I know that with your leaves, you will kick away all the sadness that we have not experienced yet. 

I believe, Imera, in you.

My very own three-leaf clover.